Desiring Perfection

There have been many times when I’ve felt so upset at my failures and shortcomings. I become angry at myself whenever I fail, mess up, or sin. I become angry when I require help, and when I easily tire at persevering through trials and struggles. I want to be strong for God; I want to please God; I want to do everything right.

While I can acknowledge that it’s impossible for me to do everything right, I still find myself upset and discouraged whenever I mess up. At times like this I often rally and resolve to do better next time. I become consumed with my quest for perfection. That’s a good thing, right? Shouldn’t I be trying to perfect, sanctify, and renew myself daily? Doesn’t that please God?

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Jesus True and Only

     There is only one answer for every problem, only one healer for every hurt, only one rock in which to hide, only one person who alone can save. His Name is Jesus. He never forsakes His people, He hears every single prayer, He catches every single tear, and He is here. If I was asked what the one thing would be that I would tell someone struggling with anxiety, fear, doubt, or depression, it would be this: Jesus. He is the only one in all my struggles that has never failed me.

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Dealing with Bitterness

“Why, God?” I used to think that this question was harmless. Many times during different struggles I would ask God this question. I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to: reading my Bible and praying every day, trying my hardest to obey in everything and doing what was right. I felt like it was unfair that I should be struggling. I was doing the right things, and I didn’t want to struggle with anxiety, fear, doubts or sinful thoughts. Besides, I saw other people who weren’t doing all that I was, and they didn’t have any of the problems that I was facing on a daily basis. It wasn’t fair       didn’t make sense. “So, why God?”

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Realigning Through Praise

“Suddenly, when they looked around, they no longer saw anyone with them except Jesus.” (Mk.9:8)

There come times in my struggles when whatever it is that I am currently facing becomes overwhelming        consuming. Maybe because I’ve been struggling with this particular fear for a long time, maybe it’s because I’m hormonal and emotionally unstable. It’s those days when my mind can’t seem to think about anything except my fear, my doubt, and my anxiety. It becomes hard to focus on normal activities such as school, meals, and daily routines. I become crippled and unable to enjoy and do anything as my mind is consumed with my struggle.

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Peace That Can’t Be Stolen

Peace.

So often my reaction to that word has not been a warm soft feeling that flows down my body. Instead it’s made tears spring unbidden to my eyes. It’s made my fists curl into tight balls because peace is the one thing I’ve wanted so badly, and I have tried so desperately to obtain it without success. Peace seemed so elusive for me, and so hard to reach when anxiety, fear, and worry were so unwanted yet always rising up unsummoned. I’ve felt this way many times. It’s discouraging to work so hard for peace, to do everything I can for it, and not be able to obtain it. It’s despairing! My anxiety and fear would become so great that many nights I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I would wake up throughout the night, restless, afraid and on edge. My mind would race at times so quickly that I would cringe, shut my eyes, and hold my head in my hands in an attempt to stop the thoughts that came with paralyzing fear, anxiety and doubts. And then there was always guilt. Why couldn’t I be at peace? Was I doing something wrong? Sometimes I would finally get a small drop of peace, only to have it snatched brutally away from me with thoughts like, “I can’t let the devil steal my peace”, and “I can’t let my peace be stolen.”
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